Nourishing Farm Food {Leaning In}

I’m well into week two of the GAPS Introduction Diet.  I’ve done this before so I knew what I was getting myself into this time.  But of course all of the emotional, spiritual and physical things I was numbing with bad food is starting to come up (and you are never really prepared for that).

There is no avoiding the reality of life-even when you are de-toxing.  I was thankful for a few days of rest (which really meant a couple hours laying on the couch each day).  But even with more hours in the kitchen preparing good food, rest, and time spent leaning into what this experience is trying to teach me I still had the unavoidable distractions that remind me that I’m not in control.

a car that won’t go
the ups and downs of farm hunting
plants that won’t wait
Through the distractions I recognize that this experience has some very valuable things to teach me.  While I recognize that I am not in control, it’s a very difficult thing for me to come to terms with.  A few things particularly have been coming up over and over again for me and I see them changing me in ways that will hopefully prepare me for what’s next for us.
I always thought I’d write a book or share publicly in some way my thoughts on food, birth or community. But really-that’s already been done. When I think through what I’ve really learned over the last couple of years-it’s how to keep on keepin’ on when they show up. You know who I’m talking about-the adult bullies. The folks who use intimidation, fear, power, social rules, greed “insert any negative intent here” to hold people like me (and maybe people like you) down. They take our dreams and try to figure out why they won’t work, they use words that crush our spirit, they point out our faults, they “keep us in our place” and the most difficult thing is they try to get others to join them so they appear more powerful. If we aren’t careful they can make us scared of our own shadow and bring up terrible memories from the childhood playground. So if I sum up what I’ve really been doing the last couple of years it would be overcoming my fear of adult bullies so that I could have the courage to follow my calling. Because the only way to receive the true success that comes once you have hope, love, respect, dignity and the determination to follow your path is to care about others who are being held down.  This realization has brought up a lot for me this week.

Closing Doors
We’ve been in a fast paced, full speed ahead sort of place the last few years.  One of my good friends recently said, “I hope that God brings you rest soon.”  My initial response was to think that I’m not allowed to rest-there is too much to do, too many things to change.  Thankfully, another friend reminds me frequently that “I’m not that important”.  Those words bring me comfort as I realize that my calling is to lift others up, help them get plugged in and play matchmaker for community partners.  In many ways it is time for me to step back in a lot of areas and let others move into the place they are being called to.  As a family we recognize that the door that is opening for us is the ability to create stronger routines to our work, school and play; create a stronger connections on farm to our customers and provide opportunities for a few people to work alongside us.  The hard part for me is watching the other doors close.  Sometimes that happens in a gentle way and other times it happens in a harsh way that pierces my heart.  Praying for patience as we move through the closing doors and accept the ones that open for us.

One of the first things we learned when we got rid of our TV (about 5 years ago) is that the media, modern television programs and the like are a great distraction from our own personal flaws.  We recognized that throughout the day we would sit down in front of the TV as a way to ignore the real things going on in our life.  It’s much more difficult to have to pay attention to what is happening in your own home, community (and deep within yourself) than it is to have a constant reminder of everyone else’s problems.  It was then that we truly learned about forgiveness.  And the most important thing about forgiveness is that it’s one of the hardest things to do-especially for yourself.  So this morning I wake up admitting that I cheated on the GAPS diet last night.  In a way I feel like I cheated on a few of my lovely friends who are joining me on this journey…I’m afraid I’ll have let them down.  It started with a small glass of dry red wine (doesn’t everything) and ended with a bite of mac and cheese and derby pie.  I’m disappointed in my lack of self control and at the same time thankful for the reality of my lack of self control.  You see-the awareness of my bullies and closing doors brought up some really difficult things for me.  I thought that the tastes of comfort food would bring healing (that realization came this morning, of course), but realized quickly that it only brought on guilt and a lot of tummy trouble.  So I’m thankful that I can ask for forgiveness, lean into my previous emotional eating habits and move forward with a renewed vision for why I wanted to start the GAPS diet to begin with.  To create emotional, spiritual and physical healing to my body so I can make the most of my relationships, experiences and work for the short period of time I’m given here on earth.

I considered starting back on day one of the diet.  Maybe as a sort of punishment to myself or maybe as a way to “start over” and pretend my cheat never happened.  My failures have as much to teach me as my successes so I’ve decided to move forward to stage 2 instead.  Because sometimes you just have to move on even when things aren’t perfect.

The only additions this week are ghee and egg yolks, but they will be welcomed with joy.

-Pastured or Wild Caught Meat & Fish
-Well cooked vegetables:  broccoli, cauliflower, carrots, onions, leeks, winter and summer squash
-Bone Broth, Stocks (at every meal and in between meals)
-Sea Salt
-Garlic (I add freshly minced garlic at the end or before re-heating)
-Sauerkraut Juice
-Lots of Distilled Water
-Egg Yolks

Nourishing Farm Food {GAPS Intro}
Nourishing Farm Food {Letting Go}